Being to improve assertive communication skills allows you to voice your opinions and feelings yet still respect the opinions of others. Well, the issue is that a lot of us are not very good at asserting ourselves. Most People, either they are too soft or end up appearing to be aggressive. This is a problem that I encountered multiple times through my research, communication truly isn’t the most straightforward task for everyone and requires practice.
The good news is that these are below are some basic and actionable exercises that will turn you into a more assertive communicator in under 30 days.
What Is Assertive Communication Skills? Why Is It Important?
With improve assertive communication skills you are expressing wants, needs, and feelings in a way that is candid and respectful (without passive or overly aggressive behaviour) with the goal of having your message acknowledged.
If you communicate assertively, you will be able to defend yourself in all situations because you have no future fears imposed on the past. Transparent expression and avoiding misunderstandings help, too. Assertiveness allows you to work in a way that fosters an atmosphere of openness, understanding, and respect.
What Can You Gain From Assertiveness Training?
Prioritizing assertive communication helps reprogram and improve our personal and professional lives by making it a habit to change our usual way of speaking. The act of practising assertive communication will make you see how it affects other areas of your communication.
In simpler words, assertiveness training will provide you with:
- Excellent active listening skills
- Boosts Self-Confidence
- Standing up for Your Rights
- Communicating Well
- Gaining the power to say “No” with ease
- Improves Decision-Making Further in any circumstance
- Adequate Workplace Satisfaction and Communication
Identify Your Communication Style First
Before we dive into practising assertive communication, it’s important to understand your current behavioural and communication style. Is it aggressive, or do you tend to be passive? You might wonder, what does it mean to be aggressive or passive?
Aggressive Communication
When you talk with people, do you pay no attention to what they want to achieve and merely use the conversation to advance your goals, or do you seek common ground on which everyone can move forward? If you answer yes to these questions, then, unfortunately, you are an aggressive communicator.
Passive Communication
If you find yourself suppressing your needs, desires, or opinions, you likely communicate in a passive style. It may cause you to say yes when what you want to say is no, or refrain from expressing your true feelings because you do not want to offend anyone. Passive communication may damage your self-esteem and hurt relationships because people in your social circle may not even remember they are crossing the line.
8+1 Effective Activity Improve Assertive Communication Skills
You may feel as though you cannot alter the way that you speak or your passive or overly aggressive tendencies. The good news is that given the appropriate training and a couple of practical assertive communication exercises, you start to become more assertive in your communication. Here are the practical for developing assertive communication skills activities through which you can do so.
1. Act assertively
In most cases, just make sure to communicate in more precise terms what you need and want. Repressing things in your mind could cause you frustration and depression. If, for instance, your friend is playing music so loud they might well be giving you a headache, then it’s really just time to say, “Hey, can we pop the down volume on that by? I have a headache.”
2. Use “I” instead of “You”
To reduce the tone of blame in your conversations, it’s better to start your sentences with “I.” Using “you” can often come across as more aggressive. This small change of words also takes down the blame factor and makes your communication more about what is going on with you, not an accusatory finger pointing at someone else.
For example, Instead of “You never listen to me,” a very blameful, aggressive statement, you could say something like, “I really feel I am not being heard in our conversations.
3. Be strong against saying “No”
Assertive communication skills, first and foremost, is saying ‘No’ to something you do not want to do, without sounding guilty or embarrassed. This is a challenging “issue” for many because they think they might hurt someone’s feelings or appear to be rude.
For example, when a colleague asks you to stay late, rather than begrudgingly committing to more work, try saying, ‘Thank you for asking me. However, I am unable to do it right now as my time is full. ‘
4. Repeat your needs
Occasionally, you have to spell out your needs, and they still might get passed over. If you have been soft and still have not received the necessary information, be assertive and continue to ask until you fulfill your request calmly and politely. It indicates that you are responsible enough and determined to get what you need.
5. Attention to Non-verbal skills Or Body Language
Non-verbal communication is a major part of assertive behaviour. The inflection in your voice, how you stand, where and with whom your eyes make contact, carries almost as much weight as what the words themselves actually are.
Speak slowly and steadily (entirely articulating your words) with a deep voice, shoulder, back and neck high while looking at the person in the eye.
Conversely, if you are too passive, being slouched, not making eye contact, or speaking too softly, the other person will see your words as unimportant and of no relevance to them.
Is success in your personal and professional life something you are after? You can learn the basics of these tools in the Communication Skills specialization on Coursera.
6. Be fully prepared
Preparation can increase your communication confidence. If you want to be confident in any discussion, prior planning is vital. Be sure to select the words you will use and think about how to communicate your requirements or concerns effectively. Here’s another tip I recommend for building confidence in the workplace: having a professional roadmap; You can get free from our career roadmap maker for a limited time.
Prepare verbally, along with some visualization techniques, to bolster your assertion. Think of yourself in different challenging scenarios, either during work hours, at a personal level or even at the time of negotiation, how you would react assertively. Also, find your strengths and Weaknesses.
7. Don’t wait; Speak up
If someone does something that takes you off, do not wait until it becomes a habit before doing something about it. If left to continue, normalise this behaviour, which gives a path to exponentially more significant problems in the future. In such cases, silence could be taken as a form of tacit approval, leading that person to believe he can go right ahead.
8. Respect for others’ boundaries
Assertive communication is as much about stating what you need and ensuring your rights are honoured as it is about respecting the boundaries and needs of others. This means you should know and respect their limits so they will also learn how to give one and practice mutual respect and communication boundaries.
As Dale Carnegie states in his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”:
Treat others as you would like to be treated.
9. Write down daily interactions
Keeping a daily journal of your interactions is one of the most valuable techniques for honing assertive communication. Think briefly each day about how things were done with you, a reflection process. At the end, take a few minutes of the day to seek reflection. Record significant interactions and then evaluate what type of communication you represent. Were you assertive, or did you tip the scale towards either passivity or aggression?
For success at workplace, check out this article on the topic: How to Improve Communication Skills at Work Effectively? Expert Tips
Top 2 Techniques to Boost Assertive Communication
Adding the exercises from above to your daily schedule would surely make a difference in your communication style. Yet, if you want to improve your assertiveness further, we need to say there are two techniques. These strategies are techniques used by communication professionals to help improve assertiveness skills and have a real ability to change the way you communicate.
The Sandwich Approach
The sandwich technique basically, you put in a way that will not make it seem like you are on the defensive. You sandwich criticism between two compliments, you give constructive feedback. Here’s how it works:
- Positive: Begin the conversation by directing positively to something that the person is great at and does well, as each of us are good at one thing which you can handle coolly and politely. That might mean telling them, “This project really suits you, and I truly appreciate the effort you’re putting into moving it forward.”
- Giving feedback: It’s time to put forward your message and words, though without keeping it personal. But you could say, “However, I know we’ve recently missed a few deadlines, and it really is imperative that we keep everything on track, so the team can succeed.”
- Finish on an upbeat note: This is the ultimate sandwich stage! You say, “I believe you are capable of doing this, and I’m confident that you will meet future deadlines.”
Emotional Regulation Techniques
Here are some examples of emotional regulation techniques that can be used to help individuals manage the reactions they have in stressful and challenging situations. To me, these practices work quite well. 😊
These tips include:
- Slow, deep breaths: Breathe in for four, then go out for four. Do this a few times to calm yourself.
- Positive mindset: Instead of thinking, “This person is criticizing me because they don’t like me,” remember, “This person is criticizing me to help me get better.”
- Be in the now, no evaluation: You might apply the 5–4–3–2–1 activity by identifying five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things that make noise, two smells, and one taste.
- Clench and unclench muscles: Start with your toes and relax your muscles, gradually working your way up to your shoulders. Squeeze each muscle group tight for 5 seconds, then release.
- Use positive introspection: Instead of saying, “I will not get through this,” try telling yourself, “I have lots of power to face difficult moments.”
- Pause for ten seconds: When you recognize anger building, count to ten slowly before responding to avoid losing control.
Comparing Two Individuals: One with mastery of Assertive Communication Skills and One Without
Person number one knows assertive communication tactics and knowingly uses them in their personal and professional life. They can discuss tasks at work or communicate boundaries with friends and family quickly, thanks to their healthy, assertive communication style. Likewise, people feel valued when interacting with them.
The second individual, on the other hand, is not aware of assertive communication skills and does not readily apply them in their daily life. This results in frustration and unmet needs in their relationships.
The difference between these two individuals is striking: one operates with confidence, understanding, and respect, while the other remains stuck in a cycle of frustration and unmet needs. The first individual thrives due to their mastery of assertive communication skills, while the second feels disempowered and ineffective without them.
Common Mistakes When Trying to Be Assertive: (Correcting Missteps)
Up to this point, the article has covered ways on how you can improve your assertive communication. Although implementing these strategies can significantly enhance your communication, it is equally important to understand specific behaviours that might be halting your improvement. Here, I would like to point out everyday mistakes that people with assertiveness should steer clear of.
Effects of Assertive Skills on Young Adults’ Mental Health
A 2023 study led by Anne Plantade-Gypczyk found that assertive communication, along with emotional regulation and healthy attachment styles, significantly reduces social stress and improves young adults’ Mental health. The researchers recommend that schools incorporate both direct and indirect assertive communication activities, as these methods can help young adults manage peer pressure and social stress, ultimately enhancing their mental health.
Final Words
I’m sure that after reading this article, you have come to appreciate the value and impact of improve assertive communication skills in both your personal life and workplace. Then again, it is also imperative to remember that the building of assertiveness does not occur overnight. It is a skill that takes practice and time to do correctly, and you need to do the exercises I outlined regularly to hone your skills.
FAQ On Improve Assertive Communication Skills
What are assertive communication skills?
Assertive communication skills involves expressing your thoughts, opinions, and concerns in a manner that honours both your boundaries and those of your conversation partner.
How long will it take to build on your assertive communication skills?
Developing assertive communication skills can be unique to each individual, and it takes different amounts of time for each person. While you will see improvements in as little as a month with regular practice, it can take others almost a year to incorporate these skills into their daily interactions fully.
Can you improve your communication style?
Practice. Everyone can change their communication style with practice. With the use of assertive communication styles, you can transition from passive or aggressive to more assertive.
Can assertive communication help in conflict resolution?
Absolutely. Assertive communication is one of the most successful methods of resolving. This allows people to address issues head-on rationally, facilitating healthy discussion and deterring things from escalating conflict.